Memories

I had once had this wish that I could easily forget certain memory or memories, especially, those relating to painful memories and some embarrassing ones. I tried every single day to deny that the incidence ever happened to me. I understand why I felt that way. It was because what had happened was something to which I could ever thought that I would do.
I had always said to myself that if it ever occurred, I will not be the cause of it. It turned out that I was wrong. It drove me almost to the edge of my sanity. I became short fused and had pleasure in looking for some one to hurt and fight. I didn’t understand why. As if I had this desire of hurting myself. As if I hate myself. Yes, I guest that was it. I hated myself. I couldn’t accept that I did such a terrible thing.
Amazingly, I kept my sanity. I kept on going, even with a terrible bleeding. As they say, time would heal anything. Slowly but painfully, the wound healed but in such a dead pace. It was when I turned to God that everything starts to reviled itself. He had given me the strength that I so in need. He reviled to me the truth. It was as if I was all these time, in a terrible dream. He has awakened me from my deep slumber. No doubt in my mind, that God had purposely delayed the process as to the time when I was ready to accept the truth.
I realised that in God the Omnipotent knowledge, it was in his knowledge, that what I had back then could do me more harm than good. It’s a painful reality that I had to accept.
I felt that He tailored for me, some long plot to get me there. That’s why sometimes I felt I’m only playing God’s script that he had beautifully laid out for me. For that, I prayed day and night for the ending to be full of light and bright.
Now, I know. Now, I understand. Memories acts like a vivid reminder for all of us. That’s why we remember some and forget some. Those that retains will significantly shapes our life’s decisions. In order to grow wiser we must go through all kinds of painful mistakes. Like knowing how hot is boiling water, acts as a reminder to never touching it again in the future or how best to handle it. In this case, how you look at your memories is also vital. Again, the guide of Allah is needed. Without His guidance, we may interpret the memories erroneously.
Memories mould you to be the person you are today. Yes, if you had different memories in the past, you would have been someone totally different. So, choosing your future is like choosing your past, your history, your memories. And your memories turns you to the person you are in the future.